Always
by mockingjayde
Summary: *Takes place in Mockingjay* After everything Peeta's been though in the Capitol, he struggles to remember Katniss the right way. This is a short one-shot in his point of view as he's realizing who she actually is.


**SPOILER! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED MOCKINGJAY.**

**A/N: **Favorite part of Mockingjay, ngl. I am not Suzanne Collins. All rights go to her!

***UPDATED VERSION YAYY***

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My eyes follow the arrows from Katniss's bow. I see it lodge itself straight into President Coin's heart. I watch as she hesitates, then falls over the balcony lifelessly.

The images rise behind my eyes before I can even think. Katniss, the crazy, deranged girl who shot an arrow at me, missing my flesh by only millimeters. I see a pair of grey eyes, filled with hatred and animosity. I see Katniss selfishly pulling out a handful of berries in effort to kill me so that she'd be the Victor of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games, not me.

No. no, that's not Katniss. My brain races to get a grip on what's real and what's not. Katniss shooting President Coin? Real. Katniss trying to kill me out of hatred? Not real. She'd never do that.

_Yes she would_! A voice from inside my head says. I get the pleasure of reliving the swift arrow planting itself in Coin's heart. _That's going to be you, Peeta_! The voice in my head tells me. _She plans on killing you too!_

No!

I squeeze my eyes shut tightly. My head pounds from the images the venom is feeding me. It's President Snow who gave you the venom. It's him who made you like this! He's the enemy! Not Katniss!

I see her bend down to bite the canister containing the nightlock pill. Nightlock. Berries. Katniss pulled the berry stunt to keep us both alive. Real. No, not real. No, no, it was real.

In a blur a thought occurs to me, if she downs that pill, she'll be gone forever, before I will even have a chance to sort things out.

But wouldn't it be better if she was dead? She deserves to be dead! Mutt, Peeta, she's a mutt!

No!

I make a snap decision. My hand instantly finds it's way to the pill pocket just before she's able to reach it. As a result, her jaws clamp down onto my hand. Hard. Katniss is not killer, I remind myself. _I_ put my hand there so she wouldn't eat the pill. She's not trying to bite me. She's not trying to kill me.

Blood trickles down my skin. The red liquid brings a fury of untrue (or true?) visions to my focus. The venom and my brain have an on-going war and I'm not quite sure if I'm winning or loosing. Katniss is attacking me. She wants me dead. No! That's not true. Not true at all. She'd never do anything to hurt me.

It takes some effort to push back down my contaminated memories and my eyes meet hers. I see fear, anger, and something else. Emptiness. Defeat.

Defeat. It triggers the memory. Bread. Rain. A memory that I know is real and the Capitol didn't tamper with. I see Katniss, slumped down under a tree on that cold day. Her will to survive completely gone. Her face and her eyes, hollow and empty and sallow. I took the hit for her. So I could give her the bread. It was this, this distant memory that somehow brought us together. "I must have really loved you." I remember saying back in District 13. Yes, that's right. I did. And I still do.

No!

At that moment, in those grey eyes, I see her. Not the insane, bloodthirsty Katniss the Capitol has forced upon me, but the real Katniss. The one who risked her life to get me medicine in our first Games. The one who took her sister's place in the Reaping. How much my admiration for her grew when she did that. I remember Katniss who laid on my lap, watching the sunset with me. Katniss, whose favorite color is green.

"Stay with me," I remember how much hope those three words gave me. The joy that rooted deep inside me that day. That there might be a chance of a future for us. That was another memory of her that the Capitol hadn't taken away from me.

"Always."

"Let me go!" Katniss now screams. The pain in her eyes and the longing for death can't be mistaken. But I can't give that to her. I can't let her end her life. Not when she's gotten this far.

"I… can't." I repeat out loud. Once I've said it, I realize my words have double meanings. I can't let her die, to kill herself with that pill. And I can't let go of the realization that this is the real Katniss. This is the Katniss that cares for me, and I her.

I watch as they drag her away. The pill slips from my grasp and bounces along the tile of the Capitol ground. Katniss. She kept me alive so many times. It's only fair to keep her alive. To be with her.

Always.


End file.
